For many of us who did not grow up in the digital age, the idea of “online friends” conjures up memories of the show Catfish and AOL chatrooms. So if you discover your child has been chatting with someone online, it’s natural if your first instinct is concern and intervention. But kids are way more ingrained in their online world than we ever were, so the situation requires nuance and conversation, all while keeping your child’s safety as first priority.
Today, we’re going to talk about how kids make digital friends and what to do if you find out your child has been chatting with someone online. We hope this serves as a helpful resource for your family in navigating the online world.
Are Online Friendships Always Dangerous?
One thing that parents should understand is that kids make online friends much more organically than we did, which usually involved seeking out a dedicated chat room to talk to strangers. Sometimes this is the case, but other times kids end up chatting with someone without even trying. All it takes is joining an online game on Roblox, accepting a friend request on Snapchat, or responding to a DM on Instagram, and bam! A digital connection is born.
Believe it or not, there are instances in which your child can meet someone online, and it’s completely innocent — it really is another kid playing Fortnite after school, just like your kid. But even if online friends aren’t always dangerous, they are always risky. It’s very tricky to determine if the person is actually who they say they are. This is why education and internet safety conversations are so important before your child gets online and throughout their digital journey.
What Should Parents Do If Their Child Is Chatting With Someone Online?
If you find out your child is chatting with a stranger online, remember that how you initially react will set the tone and impact how your child responds. Do your best to keep calm and approach it gently. Even if you’ve told them before that talking to strangers is against the rules, try not to blame them or make them feel guilty. Remember that this is something completely natural and very common among kids.
If you’ve read the messages and did not find anything inappropriate or immediately concerning, try keeping an open mind and asking your child questions. Some questions you can ask (in a casual, non-interrogative fashion) include:
- How did you meet this new friend?
- Did they message first?
- How often do you talk to them?
- What do you talk about?
- What have you shared with them and what have they shared with you?
These questions will help you gauge the risk level of these interactions and exactly what your child understands about internet safety.
How Should Parents Talk to Their Kids About Internet Safety?
Remind them not to share personal information and be specific about what this means — name, address, grade, school, phone number, email, or anything that reveals their identity or location. Even a school mascot can be risky if the person knows what city you live in.
Also, make sure they know the signs to look for that the person they are messaging may be dangerous. Some of those signs include:
- The person is an adult or they seem to be an adult lying about their age. Clues like proper grammar and capitalization are giveaways that it may be an older person rather than a kid.
- The person requests personal information, images, videos, etc. in a way that two kids usually wouldn’t.
- They encourage your child to keep the messages a secret.
- They discuss sexual things or send sexual content.
Lastly, make sure they know if anything ever makes them uncomfortable with someone they are messaging, they can always come to you. Remind them that you won’t be mad or upset, and they won’t get in trouble. You’ll just offer support and love them no matter what. Remember, when predators interact with kids, it’s manipulation — plain and simple.
When Should Parents Be Concerned About Their Child’s Online Interactions?
If you do find that your child is messaging with a dangerous person and there seem to be signs of grooming, here are a few immediate steps you can take:
- Report and block the user on the platform.
- Report the incident to NCMEC’s CyberTipline.
- Delete your child’s account and/or change their username on the platform so that the predator cannot search and find them again. Do this on any other social media platform your child has in case the predator tries to find them that way.
When talking to your child, again, remember to remain calm and make sure they know you are not upset with them. Above all else, they need to hear that they did nothing wrong and you love them no matter what. Kids in online predation cases are feeling shame, fear, and a ton of emotions they can hardly process themselves. Make sure they know you are their safe place in the aftermath.
What Can Parents Do?
Parents can’t protect their child from every single risk, but they can equip them to face situations with critical thinking and confidence. As we’ve mentioned, the conversations you have with your child go a long way in building them up, whether these conversations happen before or after they encounter a potential danger online.
Paired with these conversations, using a monitoring tool like Bark can provide a safety net to catch risky situations early on. Bark can scan your child’s texts, browsing, and 30+ apps to send you alerts for concerning content. Bark uses a contextual AI algorithm that allows it to identify potential predation, as well as things like bullying, sexual content, suicide/self-harm content, body image issues, and more.
Bark offers a variety of products that help parents protect their kids online, including the Bark Phone, the Bark Watch, the Bark app, and the Bark Home. Check out our products page to find out which one is the best fit for your family.
Bark helps families manage and protect their children’s digital lives.
