Help! My Husband Is Insistent Our 10-Year-Old Should Have an iPhone

Dear Titania,

My family has finally decided it’s time to get our 10-year-old her very first phone. It’s a huge decision, and I’m looking more at the Bark Phone and other kid’s phones. My husband insists that an iPhone 16 with Screen Time enabled is the best choice, mainly because we both have iPhones, too. I see in Parenting in a Tech World that Apple’s parental controls are glitchy and not always great. How do I convince him that an iPhone is a bad idea for a 10-year-old’s very first phone?

Signed,

Team Anything But iPhone

Dear Team Anything But iPhone,

You have definitely come to the right place! I’ve been telling parents for years that iPhones aren’t built for kids — and yes, I come with the receipts to prove it. For some reason, many parents think iPhones are good for kids, probably because Apple has done the absolute bare minimum with their Family Sharing and Screen Time apps. But these are simply stopgaps, not painstakingly thought-out devices that actually address all of the different needs that digital families deserve. 

Below I’ve listed my five strongest opinions on why your daughter’s first phone should be anything but an iPhone. Let’s go!

5 Things You Can Share with Your Spouse

1. No other phone causes issues for families like an iPhone.

You mentioned you spend time in Parenting in a Tech World, and let me tell you — you’re completely right to be worried about giving your daughter an iPhone. Families post in there every single day about how Apple Screen Time is malfunctioning or resetting controls. Apple has even acknowledged that they’ve had issues with their own products.

The reason why, though, is the important thing: It’s because iPhones are built for privacy and not child safety. This makes it easy for things to be deleted, like browser histories, text messages, and even apps (only to be re-downloaded at school). That’s right  — once you download an app with an iPhone, you can ALWAYS re-download it. Even if you block it. 

Another bad thing about iPhones? Your daughter will be able to create passcode-protected apps and web browsers. Maybe you won’t ever have to worry about this — and I hope that’s the case — but these types of features are very tempting for young people.

Want one MORE bad thing about iPhones? Back in 2021, Apple announced plans to detect and report child sexual abuse material (CSAM) on its devices. A year later, it reversed course completely, citing privacy concerns. CSAM is undeniably evil, and Apple had a chance to make its devices safer — and then chose not to.

2. Your daughter deserves a phone built specifically for kids.

Giving a child a small computer that has the sum of literally all of human knowledge accessible on it, as well as the ability to contact every single human, is dangerous. Full stop.

Fortunately, phones built for kids have digital training wheels on everything so you can actually introduce them to features slowly. And while I work for Bark and fully believe the Bark Phone is the best phone for kids, I’d still rather every child get any type of kid’s phone rather than one built for adults. Why? Because they let parents actually parent — giving them the ability to approve contacts, apps, and block dangerous websites.

Even just a year or two of using a fully locked-down kid’s phone is worth it. Helping protect your child from porn, online predators, and social media during their young years is an incredible gift you can give them. They may not appreciate it at the moment, but they will as an adult. 

Think about it: From the age of 10 to maybe 12, your child will be entering middle school, starting puberty, and going through a lot. Throwing an iPhone into the mix will cause issues. I’ve seen it. Choosing a kid’s phone as their first phone enables you to encourage healthy habits and attitudes toward digital devices.

3. Text & app monitoring saves lives. Full stop. 

While Apple Screen Time isn’t reliable, it technically is still an app and website blocker. But one thing their controls don’t have is advanced content monitoring (actually, no one else has it but Bark). 

Way back in 2015, before Bark had the phone, the watch, or our in-home filter, we were just a monitoring app. We got our start pioneering AI-powered scanning of a kid’s online activities to send alerts for potential dangers like bullying, predators, suicidal ideation, and more. 

Today, it works on 30+ apps, email providers, texts, and even the saved photos, videos, voice message, and files your child has. It doesn’t give access to everything, as kids deserve a little bit of privacy, but it does alert you things you need to know about. This way, you can check in and make sure everything is okay. 

We’ve alerted parents to suicide notes in Google Docs, meetups with adult strangers, and threats of planned school violence. All of these things help save young lives, as well as encourage families to talk about serious issues and the hard things that come with growing up in the digital age. 

4. You don’t start teens out with Ferraris. The same goes with phones. 

You’d be surprised by how many parents I see buying their young kids the latest iPhones and Samsung Galaxies — which can be $1,000 devices with all of the bells and whistles. I don’t know about you, but from my experience, kids are hard on things. Like really hard. 

A kid’s phone is not only safer (see above), it’s wildly more affordable, which is something that comes in handy when your kid leaves it on the bus, drops it in the Atlantic Ocean, or it simply disappears somewhere in the living room. Think of a kid’s phone like a 2010 Toyota Camry and a new iPhone like a brand new Ferrari. Which one would you let your kid drive when they turn 16?

5. Kids have their whole lives to use iPhones — they can wait a few years. 

Look, I love my iPhone. I have nothing against Apple for their adult products. But for kids, they’re an absolute no-go in my opinion. I know that teens and tweens are wild about iPhones, and that coveted blue text bubble can definitely be a status symbol. But your kid only gets one childhood, and it's important to help keep them as safe as possible while teaching them how to use technology. 

During this crucial time when they're younger, the absolute best thing you can do is provide them with safer tech. When they’re an older teen, iPhones will still be there. And when they become an adult, they can use Apple products for their entire life. But for right now, you and your kid deserve greater safety and peace of mind. 

Consider the Bark Phone

I know, I know — I work at Bark. But the Bark Phone is actually the best option for families. I wouldn’t be dedicating my professional life to helping parents if we didn’t offer the safest product out there. (Also, TIME agrees with me!)

It’s tamper-proof for even the savviest kids. After all, children pride themselves on getting around Apple’s Screen Time, and often the first thing they figure out is that they can simply change their device’s time zone — it’s that easy. With the Bark Phone, these sorts of things don’t happen because you control everything, from whether they can even access the settings app to who they can text. 

Good luck! I hope these facts help change your husband’s opinion when it comes to iPhones.