Have you ever wished you had a knowledgeable, kind, but sassy mentor for raising kids in the digital age? If so, you’ve got to learn about CJ Scarlet. A former Marine, children’s advocate, and all-around awesome online safety expert, CJ’s life mission is to help protect kids and educate parents on how to do just that.
We recently sat down and chatted with CJ to learn more about her story, her passion for changing the lives of kids, and what families can do to help make sure their kids are safe — both online and in real life.
Expert Advice for Helping Protect Kids: 8 Questions with CJ Scarlet
1. What inspired you to dedicate your life to child advocacy and safety?
I’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse — two teen rapes and a narrow escape from a sex trafficking ring myself — and spent decades living with the aftermath. Then, in 1990, I took my power back and became an advocate for other survivors, particularly children, using my trauma as rocket fuel to propel my efforts to protect children everywhere.
I ran a child advocacy center and served as the director of victims’ issues for the NC Attorney General’s Office, and I hold a master’s degree in human violence.
However, it wasn’t until I had grandchildren of my own that I knew I had to amp up my game. I wrote three award-winning books for parents about how to empower their kids to protect and defend THEMSELVES and created Heroic Parenting 101, a comprehensive online course that offers actionable tips, tools, and advice for keeping our kids safe.
2. What are the 3 biggest online threats facing kids today that parents don’t realize?
I know most people would list specific dangers, but in my opinion, the three greatest threats are:
- Parents not educating themselves about all of the dangers, not talking with their kids about them (in a way that’s empowering and not frightening), and not teaching their kids specific ways to avoid and protect themselves from dangerous people and situations.
- Parents not establishing strong rules around the websites and apps their kids visit and the amount of time they spend online. More time online equals greater exposure to threats like predatory grooming, sexting, sextortion, etc. Also, not using software like Bark!
- Parents falsely believing that their kid will tell them if someone says or does anything inappropriate or frightening. In general, kids DON’T tell their parents about dangers because they feel afraid, embarrassed, or ashamed — or because they’ve been threatened with violence if they do.
3. How should parents prepare their kids to handle peer pressure to share inappropriate photos or messages?
Parents can give their kids examples of what to say if someone tries to get them to view or share inappropriate content, photos, or images. Teaching them to say things like, “I’m not looking at that, it’s gross,” and then walking away, or “I’m not looking at that — my parents would kill me,” gives kids the tools to set strong boundaries. Then, parents should role-play these types of exchanges with their kids to help ensure they remember them.
4. Can you give an example of a simple, age-appropriate strategy a child can use to escape a dangerous situation?
The simplest, most powerful word in the human language — and one of the first children learn to say — is “no.” When parents teach their kids when and how to say “NO!” to people who make them feel uncomfortable or afraid, they’re giving them the gift of empowerment.
Additionally, parents can teach their children how to use my super simple “Taz” self-defense moves — which can be learned in minutes, not months or years. In my Heroic Parenting 101 online course, I share those moves with the parents, grandparents, and other caregivers taking the course.
5. How do you recommend handling it when a child wants a social media account because all their friends have one?
There’s actually a LOT parents can do to help make their child’s social media experience a positive one. They can:
- Talk with their kid about the dangers and what to do if they run into inappropriate comments or content.
- Help their kid choose appropriate sites and usernames, and write profiles that aren’t enticing to predators — meaning they’re not sexually suggestive or revealing of a child’s age.
- Put Bark on all their kid’s devices or buy the Bark Phone or Bark Watch to ensure they’re alerted if anything concerning happens.
- Make their child sign a tech contract that clearly lays out online usage rules and the consequences for breaking them. (I provide a sample contract in the course.)
6. What are a few specific red flags parents should teach their kids to watch out for when online or gaming?
I love this question because it helps parents teach their kids about online dangers. Kids should be taught how to spot grooming behavior — like getting gifts, being asked for a “sexy” photo, or being invited to meet in person — and know to log off and tell a parent right away. This helps them make safer choices online, whether they're using a game console, computer, tablet, or phone.
7. You've described yourself as the "Bad@ss Grandma.” What does that title mean to you?
I’ve been a badass since I was 19 and became a forest firefighter and then a U.S. Marine photojournalist. I became a Bad@ss Grandma when my grandtwins were born in 2015. To me, the title tells the world that I’m NOT your ordinary grandma — yes, I’m sweet and kind and loving (and I love to bake cookies!), but I’m also brutally honest, snarky, and occasionally inappropriate. It means I have permission to talk with parents and other caregivers in a way that’s bold and no-holds-barred, but also practical and actionable.
8. What can parents expect to learn from your new Heroic Parenting 101 course?
My Heroic Parenting 101 online course is all about teaching parents and other caregivers what they need to know to empower their kids to avoid bullies and predators — and defend themselves in dangerous situations. Specifically, I teach them:
- Who the main predators are and how they groom their victims
- What the main dangers are (bullying and cyberbullying, online dangers, sexual molestation and assault, kidnapping, sex trafficking, and navigating sexual consent)
- How to talk with their kids according to their age and maturity level
- How to cultivate their kids’ confidence and self-esteem
- How to fight like a “rabid Tasmanian devil” to get away from predators
- How to build a closer, stronger bond with their kids that ensures they come to the parents when they have questions or concerns about their safety
People can learn more about the course on my website at www.TheBadassGrandma.com — AND use the code BARK to get $100 off!
More About Bark
Raising kids in the digital age can be a challenge — but Bark is here to help make things a little simpler. We give parents a variety of tools to help protect their kids from online and in real life. Our advanced content monitoring scans your child’s online activities and sends you alerts for potential dangers, and is available with the Bark Watch, the Bark Phone, and the Bark app. Check out our products page for more information and to find the tool that’s right for your family.
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Bark helps families manage and protect their children’s digital lives.
